image from ningen's anime wallpaper:: Best of Blue Note - A Selection From 25 Best Albums : :
this is a really nice jazz/ blues album...
recently, i heard this album in a shop where i was checking out some stuff... it's just really cool... and sets the mood... i cldn't really appreciate such music when i was younger but i'm starting to actually really like it :) hmm...
dexter gordon - "let's get lost" lyrics :
Let's get lost, lost in each other's arms
Let's get lost, let them send out alarms
And though they'll think us rather rude
Let's tell the world we're in that crazy mood.
Let's defrost in a romantic mist
Let's get crossed off everybody's list
To celebrate this night we found each other, mmm, Let's get lost
[horn solo] [piano solo]
Let's defrost in a romantic mist
Let's get crossed off everybody's list
To celebrate this night we found each other, mm, Let's get lost
oh oh, Let's get lost
yeah....
i don't believe this... i'm still in denial... i am down with chicken pox yesterday. i made a trip to the doctor to confirm this (in other words, to let reality sink into my thick skull) how i ever get infected, or by whom, the chicken pox virus (varicella zoster virus) remains a big mystery. but being the super spy that i pretended that i am, i managed to round up a few usual suspects. Yesterday, with only 8 lesions on my body, i convinced myself it was just a mild case at that. However, i woke up this morning none the least thrilled at my discovery. i was literally unrecognizable. Lesions of at least 100 (i lost count) on my body. argh, there are some on my face too! (oh are those my tears?) and i'm not even sure i slept the previous nite, with the fever coming and going and giving me goggy brains and impaired vision. hence, more pimples. freakingly big ones. am so very traumatized. and sad. sad, cuz today was "supposed" to be a happy day for me as it was planned with retail therapy in the day with a perfect pal and an anime (tokyo babylon!) maranthon for the nite with a sweetie. and did i mention titbits to go along? sigh... tough luck... timing is so perfect itch is terrible. am going crazy. the bigger lesions are worse... they seek your attention every 20 secs of your already numbed mind and swollen body. the worse part, i'm NOT supposed to scratch them... i thought maybe the least i cld do is perhaps caress them slightly... a comforting gesture i believe... (somebody stop me, pls. tie my hands. whatever) oh boy, am so looking fwd to the next day... God, pls give me the strength... at least my body is producing anit-bodies against the virus... ohhh i shld be so thankful... highly likely i will never catch it again... (er, who wants?) i'm a pill junkie now. am required to pop 5 big pills per day to control the virus. oh yah, calamine/ menthol lotion is pretty good for easing the itch for a while, and leaves a nice pinkish-white trail on your body. i'm not complaining :) well, last thought : i guess nobody ever expects anything unpleasant to happen to themselves... (just like the london bombings... it was a rude shock and ppl are still traumatized by the whole incident) well, to folks who never suffered the vicious onslaught of the chicken pox virus attack, a vaccination is good. saves u the pain and heartache, and perhaps the scars that might last a very long time. peace.
on a night like this where moonlight beams; the dark knight in his glory casts a shadow over me. trees whisper in the wind words of restlessness, wearing souls thin. on a night like this in the summer heat; our gazes meet intertwine in space lock in embrace. my sweet prince you know it's you. but i shall never say least it devalues thus like spoken words do. on a night like this goodnite never ends and parting hearts grieve. such a night like this fragile as can be. the majesty of the night swallows me up and dwells in the abyss of my beating heart.
But don't tell anyone The four-leaved clover. I only want your happiness, knowing
just got the manga "clover" by clamp!! all 4 volumes of it!! so delighted! the illustrations are so amazing!! i can stare at them forever :) gonna burn my weekends reading the manga and i can not get any happier! hah... i hope i'll know what to do or have other things to do after finishing the manga. maybe start on a new one or revisit "clover" again! (very insane, yes!)
Read more on the manga "Clover" on Wikipedia
Fairy Park does a great story on "Clover"::clover:: "If you find a four-leaf clover,
It will bring happiness;
Where its white flower blooms.
Or how many leaf-lets from its stem extend.
I can never be yours to share it." at this moment, am listening to this uk band called "alpha". soft, melancholic music... mood music... very nice... their lst album "Come From Heaven" which was released a few years back.
come, wldn't u... and feel the mood...
with me...
i am a lost soul
walking in the rain.
though the chains that bound me,
i have lost my way.
kind master, please guide me along
where to elysian fields?
where i may freely roam...
where flowers beckon to u...
dear master, please take my hand.
sometimes i wish i sleep and never wake up.
i know people will gasp and say "oh u shldn't say things like that."
but i am only saying what i am truly feeling... anyway i seldom voice this sentiment out. pple get huge reactions out of it. and i suspect they secretly enjoy dragging u into their holy crap and perhaps save your wrecked soul and deliever u from salvation. animated hand gestures flying around while trying to sprinkle some of their happiness on u, in a hope that u will absorb some of the love and feel less "sucidial".
but no, who is feeling sucidial? i'm not.
i hate people.
no, i'm scared of people.
they don't leave me alone.
i wish to slip away... silently... without a trace...
everything is nothing.
life is transcient.
happiness is short-lived.
and u die... die alone... (no matter how much riches or how many loved ones u have)
i wish to slip away... silently... alone...
and in case anybody feel compelled to provide a SOS helpline, i'm alright.
really...
just dwelling in the perpentual darkness of my sulk. (i will get out soon, i hope)
meanwhile, let me sink.
let me feel the pain...
David Tartakover's political poster work adopts the phase ""no commercial value"
He is a graphic & poster designer in Tel Aviv, Israel and is also a Senior Lecturer at Bezalel Academy of Art & Design, Jerusalem. his artwork emphasized on culture that reflects contemporary events in his country, Israel & occupied territories.
He says, "there is nothing else i can do but to make people aware, to make people think."
i am so inspired. things that provoke your mind and your senses...
the curse of insomnia...
and in the sweltering heat of the nite, i sat at the edge of my bed, stoning away... a good time for the mind to drift away, and at the same time, to contemplate abt life in general... the past, the present, the near-future, and even in a fantasy world... of cos, not everything makes sense at this moment. but hell, it doesn't matter at all.
scenes of the anime i had watched earlier on flashed across my mind. there was much gore and blood... malice permeating the air, characters wielding powerful mystic swords that swiftly sliced thru flesh with no mercy... guts/blood spilling, tears flowing, intense emotions raging... the chosen one had a destiny to fulfill; to save the earth and humanity. he succeeded, and saved the world... but was all alone, his loved one died a gruesome/tragic death... a tense and angst-filled piece of anime.
listening to some music might get me to sleep... i thought...
i laid in bed listening to a song called "glory box" and its remixes. dark, grand and at times, atmospheric... beautifully haunting vocals touched my soul and stirred my emotions... i laid awash in its glory... and splendor...
(sample lyrics)
"i'm so tired of playing... playing with this bow and arrow...gonna give my heart away... ... give me a reason to love you... ..."
well...
another nite of darkness and melancholy yearning...
trip-hop, anyone?
johnny depp is smothering handsome(spoilers alert... if u have not watched it) a summer storm was raging outside. rejected by his frens, and without a room to sleep, the boy sat alone in a shower room that no longer worked. he was cold and wet from the rain but this was nothing compared to the pain he felt in his heart. his best fren has rejected his love. he was totally crushed. found by another boy (boy 2), boy 2 took him in & shared his room and gave him new, warm clothes. understanding his pain, boy 2 kissed his pain(emotionally, and physically - boy 1 had sunburnt & skin was peeling from his back), slowly and tenderly, planting one kiss after another on boy 1's back, while gingerly applying some lotion. there was a connection of something powerful...such moments of tenderness. and i was touched...so deeply that i could almost feel it... it was real. such tenderness, does it really exist in the real world? and... would u... would u kiss my pain, and my wounds? * * * sommersturm
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director: Marco Kreuzpaintner
Starring: Robert Stadlober, Kostja Ullmann, Alicja Bachleda-Curus
Official website
i am quite mad...
no, not quite...
i am mad.
this madness...
i am fuelling my obsession with CLAMP manga... i thought it was controllable. i was wrong. the state i'm in now... it is as if i was back to my teenage years, burying myself in anime like sailormoon, cardcaptor sakura, etc. and fantasizing abt magic powers, saving the earth, and the array of bishounen (beautiful boys) in the anime/manga. the beautiful illustrations are intoxicating. my heart skips a beat or two, a sigh escapes from my moist lips... it was mind-blowing. and i was rendered breathless. i was intoxicated.. and giddy...with glee. the story, the characters, the emotions...everything!!! And there is always one (or more) bishounen character who epitomises all that we yearn for, pine for,... delicate features, such kindness and gentleness in his heart... (oh subaru, dear subaru...) reading/watching anime/manga is not enuff... i need to listen...to anime songs...that soothe the savage beast within...
oh that i should be so caught up in the turmoils within...
oh, be still my heart...
now,
i need to get my hands on the manga, "Clover", by Clamp. An achingly beautiful story... almost heart-wrenching (spoilers alert!) It is quite an old manga... there are only 4 volumes to it? i guess so... here's a picture of Suu-chan, the main character in Clover. A lonely, sad little girl with special powers... embarking on a journey to a place called "Fairy Park"...
twist the knife, and bleed my aching heart...
oh, be still my heart...
shonen-ai... ah... such gentle sweetness...love between 2 boys/men. It makes me blush, yet i secretly yearn for them to be together, to be in bliss...to be in each other's arms..."hold me, please.." to read about their pure love for each other, the sexual innuendos, the subtleness, the glaze into each other's eyes, their faces only 2mm away from each other, the fierce protection/loyalty shown towards each other, the obvious display of jealousy etc... (e.g. Yukito & Touya in "Cardcaptor Sakura"... "X"... "Tokyo Babylon"...etc.) Yet, you never really know whether they are really "officially" together, or meant to be together, but you want to believe, in your heart, that they are... that their love is recognized and accepted by each other.
oh such pangs...such pure tenderness...such heartache... i feel for them!!!
suddenly, i'm into downloading frenzy again...
not mp3s anymore!! but winamp skins, anime winamp skins to be precise. i'm adding more stuff into my anime winamp skins collection. almost wanted to make a winamp skin myself... i have to carry out some research on the technical know-how on how to make a skin... (hey, sounds like an episode of "nip/tuck"! It's actually quite a good show... if u look deeper, there's actually some depth...underneath all that blood-spilling action in the surgery room, the hammering during the reconstruction of the nose, the exploration of sex-related issues in the show, etc.)
* * * *
below are some songs/poems from the manga "Clover" (translated into english). Suu-chan sings them...
(Book 01) * * * *
The Poems...
If you find a four-leaf clover,
It will bring happiness;
But don't tell anyone
Where its white flower blooms.
Or how many leaf-lets from its stem extend.
The four-leaved clover.
I only want your happiness, knowing
I can never be yours to share it.
The Songs...
:: Clover ::
I want happiness
I seek happiness
To cause your happiness
To be your happiness
So take me
Someplace far away
To a true Elsewhere
Please take me there
Magic that lasts
Never-ending kiss
Revery without break
Unperishable bliss
Take me
I want happiness
Birds sing
Song of unknown tongue
Though winged, they
Still fail to reach the sky
A place not to be treaded alone
So take me
To a true Elsewhere
Wet feathers,
Locked fingers,
Melting flesh,
Fusing minds
Take me
I want happiness
Not your past
But your present is what I seek,
Carefully winding back its fragile thread
Please take me there
I want happiness
(Book 02) * * * *
The Poems...
If you find a four-leaf clover,
It will bring happiness;
But don't tell Anyone
Where its white flower blooms.
Or how many leaf-lets from its stem extend.
The four-leaved clover.
I only want your happiness, knowing
I can never be yours to share it.
The Songs...
:: CLover ::
I want happiness
I seek happiness
To cause your happiness
To be your happiness
Take me
To a true Elsewhere.
Deliver me
A bird in a gilded cage,
A bird bereft of flight,
A bird that cannot cry,
A bird all by itself.
So take me
I want happiness
Happy just to be with you,
Happy just to see your smile.
So take me
To a true Elsewhere
Please, take me to happiness
My first thought
And my last wish,
A promised land where fairies wait
With room just enough for two.
So deliver me, help me
To forget the tribulations of the day
And to stay in this dream of night
Where I can be thinking of you forever
Take me
To my bliss
(Book 03) * * * *
The Poems...
If you find a four-leaf clover,
It will bring happiness;
But don't tell anyone
Where you found
The four-leaf clover,
Or how many leaflets were on
The four-leaf clover.
How I wish to make you happy,
Though I won't be able to see you.
The Songs...
:: Love ::
Love
It's my dream,
A beautiful dream
That no-one's ever seen,
A beautiful deceit
That no-one's ever noticed,
A beautiful love
That no-one will ever break.
Love
Though you'll laugh,
In the entire world,
The most important word.
Now, come close to me.
I'll sing an endless song.
God, please tell me,
Redder than red,
The truest love.
Now, kiss holds me.
Show me love that's forever.
God, please tell me,
Bluer than blue,
The real heart.
Love
Everyone says,
But no-one knows its true meaning.
Cannot be grasped alone.
So, I want to see it with you.
Love
A wonderful person
That makes everyone turn,
A wonderful time
That everyone wants,
A wonderful romance
That everyone dreams of.
Love
Can never match true love.
Love
Though you'll laugh,
Will never return, once lost.
Love
Though you'll laugh,
Will never return, once lost.
Love
Though you'll laugh,
To us, the most important word.
Love
Hear the whisper of the heart, hear its true voice.
Listen carefully,
Where lies true
Who to give true love.
Love
Though you'll laugh,
In the entire world,
The most important word.
(Book 04) * * * *
The Poems...
If you find a four-leaf clover,
You'll have found happiness.
But it will
Never be found,
Since happiness rests inside
That secret cage.
No one can own
The four-leaf clover.
But then what of
The three-leaf clover?
The Songs...
::To Be Born Again ::
To be born again for your sake;
Blowing the past away on fluttering clouds;
Letting the future ride on flowing winds;
Fearlessly, unceasingly, patiently.
To be born again in your arms;
To be born again for my sake;
Once again to wait to be born
In the golden egg;
Once again to be able
To fly with silver wings;
Unhurriedly, tenaciously, intimately.
To be born again in your arms;
To be born again for your sake;
To turn the bliss of our meeting
Into a gentle light;
And the parting that's sure to come
Into smothering rain;
Like the little, indigo flower that blooms
In delicate shade.
To be born again in your arms;
You’re taking my hand and
My not shaking it off;
Our two paths merging to become
One as blending minds;
To be born again for my sake.
To be born again in your arms;
Not averting your eyes, not letting go;
Embracing all the fortitude of will and
The frailty of prayers;
To be born again in your arms.
To be born again for my sake;
When my not minding the loneliness
Was only the ignorance of my bliss with you.
When my pain of loneliness was but my learning
To fear losing you.
So then, I will be born again in your arms.
To be born again for my sake;
As old shells crumble off and newborn
Tears fall on a cheek;
With your embrace open my ethereal wings;
To be born again for you alone;
To be born again in your arms.
Letting me forget with
Your voice and your touch;
Breaking off the chains
That bind my heart and feet;
To be born again in your arms.
To be born again for your sake;
As ember that just caught
Should not be put out or misplaced;
My thoughts just born
Should be not being dissipated
Or broken apart;
In this cradle you guard over;
To start again from scratch.
To be born again for my sake;
To be born again in your arms.
* * * *
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